My husband and I are ethically non-monogamous. And that’s a big, hard, exciting, terrifying statement to write.
For those of you who don’t know my story, a brief history to explain how we got here…
I started sex blogging and writing erotica in 2008 (ish? I think?). It was a way to explore my own sexual desires, give advice, and do sex toy reviews. At times, it was even like having a public diary, where I would share my most intimate exploits and thoughts and emotions about real sexual partners and situations.
Then I met my husband, Cash.
I kept my blog running for awhile, but my sex life changed. We entered into this long-term monogamous relationship and went through two military deployments together. My husband and I had (and still have) good sex, even kinky sex, it just wasn’t inspiring me to write anymore. It just felt more… private. Intimate. Just for us. I was also burned out on telling strangers every sexual thought.
And then I went through a period of low libido, which I think just happens sometimes. It wasn’t a big deal for my husband, because our relationship was built on a strong foundation of more than just sex. But it’s hard to write a sex blog if you don’t really feel like having sex most days.
So I stepped away. Indefinitely.
I let my blog’s hosting and domain name expire eventually. I just thought I was done with it. It seemed like this fun thing in my past, but I had moved on.
Then in 2020-2021 I kind of had this… let’s call it sexual re-awakening. I started to feel more like myself again for the first time in a long time. Cash and I started to explore our more kinky side again, and I realized I missed the connections I had back when I was blogging. The kink community is so supportive and fun and interesting, and those people hadn’t been in my life for over five years.
So I dipped my toe back in my joining Twitter again. And then starting this blog as a new place to share stories and erotica.
When I started using my Twitter account again (@SweetRori if you’re wondering – please let’s be friends!!!), I asked Cash what he was comfortable with me posting. He was comfortable with anything that made me feel good, including pictures. I have the least jealous and most supportive husband in the world!
And as time went on, I asked, what about making connections? Friends, flirting… what was he comfortable with? And he said, as long as it is just silly online fun and doesn’t effect our marriage, he’s comfortable with anything I want to do, including sexting. The caveat was that if I were to ever develop feelings or want something more, I would come to him and we would have a discussion.
Well… we had a discussion.
I met a beautiful new friend in late fall 2022, and we decided to write some stories together. I call him my warrior, so I’ll just refer to him as W here on this blog. Writing with W evolved into just chatting in general and building a friendship, which evolved into… complicated feelings that I needed to tell my husband about. I promised Cash I would never hide anything from him. I knew I needed to either talk to him or step back and draw clear boundaries before feelings developed any further.
And to be frank… I really didn’t want to step back or draw boundaries. I loved my blossoming friendship with W and how it was growing.
So, I collected my thoughts, took a deep breath, and had one of the hardest conversations of my life.
And one of the easiest.
Cash had a few questions and then was on board. Whole-heartedly. He had known that I was friends with W, so it wasn’t like it was a name he had never heard. And… Cash likes him. They haven’t talked one-on-one yet but they do “talk” occasionally through me relaying messages, and they get along really well.
I turn 38 in about a week, so guess you can say Cash got me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.
The rub is that W doesn’t live near us. It’s manageable to drive (let’s just say, same timezone), but not near enough to pop over for dinner or even a weekend trip. So right now, it’s just long-distance getting to know one another.
And y’all. I am so happy. SO happy.
As I write this, it has only been about a week, so the relationship is new. But the friendship is already a few months old, and I love that we have that strong friendship foundation. W is very similar to Cash in certain ways, but also very different. He fills up different places in my heart.
Ethical non-monogamy is hard and weird. This is really more than ENM; it’s a full polyamorous relationship. But, for now, I’ll just say my husband and I practice ENM because I don’t know what the future holds. Maybe he’ll want a partner as well. Maybe he’ll want to swing. Maybe he’ll be happy being the monogamous partner to a polyamorous wife. I’m open to all of it, and excited to see what the future holds!
Right now, W isn’t *my* dom. He’s certainly dommy toward me at times, which I enjoy. But playing with a dom and someone being *your dom* are two different things. We are both open to it in the future, which is exciting, but we also both want to move slowly and not make that kind of commitment until we are fully ready and it feels right.
Cash and I of course agreed to always stay honest and have open communication throughout this new phase of my life. It’s one of the things I love about my husband. If W and I ever decide we want to meet in person, Cash and I agreed to talk about it first. I know that as long as we both stay honest, our marriage will continue to be loving and strong.
I am also very nervous. W already has a girl he is seeing romantically, and he’s such a stud muffin that I can’t imagine there won’t be more ladies in the near future. And really, I don’t want him to be alone. He deserves to have someone local who can love him, just like I have Cash.
That said, I also know I’m going to deal with jealousy. I’m already jealous of him kissing another girl because… well… I don’t get to kiss him in person. And that sucks. But we are both really committed to learning more about poly relationships and how to deal with jealousy and other conflicts as they arise. He even sent me a book he found on the topic and we’re going to read it together and talk about every chapter.
I think… it will be okay.
What is my life, y’all? How did I get here?
Every time he calls me, I can’t stop smiling. And I hate talking on the phone!
The future seems like it is shifting sand and solid ground at the same time.
And I’m just… happy.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like a part of me that was missing is found again. A part that I didn’t even realize was missing.
I’ll keep y’all posted. This blog will still be mainly erotica but I do like to give life updates from time to time. Thank you for reading this long life update today, and if you are an open couple who has ENM or poly tips, I’m all ears!
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4 thoughts on “On Ethical Non-Monogamy – My Journey into the Unknown”
That’s so exciting for you! ENM can be a struggle at times, but it can also be so so so rewarding. Best of Luck on your journey!
Veronica and I have been ENM for going on 15 years. Two things that haven’t changed – our love for each other and the need to work to maintain open, honest communication. I’m excited for you, Cash and W as you embark on this journal. If you could ever use an experienced impartial friend to talk with about things, you know where to find me
Thank you hubman!! <3 Cash and I are excellent at communication and are very honest with each other, which I think is key for a couple starting out on an ENM journey. I will probably take you up on that offer for a lending ear at some point thought, because I'm sure there will be bumps in the road.