The Girlfriend Experience

I was doom-scrolling TikTok and I came across someone talking about how she used to be an escort, specifically offering the Girlfriend Experience. And… one time I kind of had this type of relationship, so I wanted to tell you about it. (For the record, I’ve never seen the tv show by the same name.)

In case you’ve never heard that phrase before… what is the Girlfriend Experience?

Commonly abbreviated GFE, this is a sex worker service (or sometimes just a non-professional agreement) that is focused on giving you an intimate companionship experience. Sometimes this also includes sex, and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s about a connection beyond just the physical. It’s holding hands, hugging, spending time together. Basically, doing what you’d do with an actual girlfriend.

A GFE a way to experience a long-term relationship but for a short-term (often only one day or one weekend) commitment. And for the record, although I’m going to keep referring to it as GFE, men can offer a Boyfriend Experience as well, and both types of service can be with heterosexual, same-sex, or non-binary partners.

Why would you want a GFE? I mean, lots of reasons.

• You have a family function to go to and don’t wanna show up without a date. Many of us have done this, going with a friend as their “date” to something like a wedding. But with a GFE, you usually pretend to be partners, rather than introducing yourself as just friends.)
• You crave more than just a physical/sexual relationship or maybe don’t want a physical/sexual experience at all (it’s a great service for ace/demi people), or you want the physical/sexual part to be less intense, such as just cuddling or hugging instead of having sex.
• You like spending money on people and want that to be part of the experience (gifts, shopping trips, date nights, etc. on top of paying for the person’s time), but you aren’t interested in a findom(me) scenario.
• You like the intimacy of having a partner but can’t commit the time to an actual partner due to your lifestyle or other factors. So you just want to pay for intimacy here and there instead of finding a long-term partner.
• You haven’t had a partner in a long time or have gotten out of a long-term relationship recently and want to get back on the horse, not just sexually but also with conversation.
• You’ve never had a partner and feel nervous about it, and you want to test the waters and improve your relationship/conversation/intimacy skills before jumping into actual dating.
• You don’t enjoy sex unless you are friends with a person first or feel a sense of non-sexual intimacy.

This isn’t a comprehensive list. It’s just a few of the reasons why you might want to have a GFE.

My GFE Story

So, usually a GFE is provided by a sex worker (I use that term loosely because once again, a GFE doesn’t have to include sex). However, it can be a different non-professional type of arrangement as well, which is the situation I found myself in when I was 21 years old.

I had this friend I’ll call Dave, and over the course of a few semesters we went from acquaintances to pretty good friends. There was maybe a tiny bit of sexual tension at first, but dating or even hooking up wasn’t something we wanted despite getting along well. We flirted a little, but we were both a little hung up on different people at the time.

Dave and I were both part of a very small group of around 100 kids who were staying on campus over the summer to work. Most of our circle of friends left campus, and we just naturally gravitated toward one another. Hey, friendly face. Let’s go to this party together. Let’s walk to work together. Let’s run some errands together…

We did make other friends over the summer, but we started hanging out more and more. And then it evolved into what I’m going to call a GFE. We talked about it a little but not nearly as much as we should have, because a GFE is usually all about communicating your expectations. But we did both make it clear that we weren’t interested in officially dating or evolving to a physical relationship. We just wanted… a partner. If that makes sense. For now.

He would show up at my door with takeout. We’d cuddle up for a movie together. He bought me little gifts here and there and filled up the gas in my car. I’d help him clean his apartment and cook us dinner. He took me out on dates. We held hands sometimes and hugged a lot. We even met one another’s parents during visits. Above all, we were a listening ear for the other person.

He didn’t pay me for this experience, because it was more of a mutual thing. But he did spend money on me in the form of gifts and food and gas and dates. The way a boyfriend might during a relationship.

The summer ended and our friends came back to campus. While Dave and I remained close friends until we graduated, we allowed our GFE to fade. It was a natural end point for both of us I think, which was lucky because things ended with no drama despite us not having a conversation about an end point. The winds simply shifted and it was time to move on from our cute little summer together.

And it was so cute. It felt like I had a boyfriend that summer even though we weren’t attached or sexual. It was this lovely intimate companionship that neither of us regretted.

Common Questions About a Girlfriend Experience and My Story

I’d be happy to answer any questions you have about a GFE in the comments below or via Twitter DMs (@SweetRori). But I have told this story to a few people, as well as reading up on these types of experiences that others have had, and here are some frequently asked questions:

Can a Girlfriend Experience include sex?

Yes. I mean, I’m not giving you advice about hiring a sex worker. Legalities on that vary based on where you live. Like most sex worker services, a GFE could include pretty much anything as long as you discuss it with the other person first.

How much does a Girlfriend Experience cost?

Even if your GFE is more like mine (i.e., not a professional service), you should still be ready to spend some money, similar to the money you would spend on an actual girlfriend. You should be prepared to spend some money on gifts, dates, etc. Whatever you discuss with the other person as important. However, most of the time, a GFE is a professional service. So, you can expect to pay by the hour or a flat fee for the day/weekend/whatever. Prices vary greatly from provider to provider. I’ve heard of everything from $100/hour to well over $1,000/hour. Don’t feel weird about asking about price upfront, so you make sure you are comfortable with the price.

What’s the difference between a Girlfriend Experience and Friends with Benefits?

A GFE could be classified as a friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation in some cases. However, a FWB relationship is typically not romantic or intimate beyond any friendship. You just have sex as well. You have a wall up, keeping the relationship in friendship territory. With a GFE, the relationship has a heavy emphasis on affection and romance. You might not even have sex.

What’s the difference between a Girlfriend Experience and a sugar daddy/mommy/baby situation?

There’s definitely some overlap, and I would say that a sugar daddy/mommy and sugar baby relationship is a type of GFE in many cases. It’s just more focused on the money. Any GFE definitely does have a financial element, but it’s not always the main focus. Many sugar babies get an allowance, for example, on top of the daddy/mommy paying for dates, bills, etc.

What’s the difference between a Girlfriend Experience and a findom situation?

A findom situation is even more about the money than a sugar daddy/mommy situation. Findom is short for financial domination, and in this case the submissive partner gets satisfaction out of being commanded to send money to their dom(me). Although this can be an intimate relationship, it usually isn’t a romantic girlfriend/boyfriend experience where the sex worker provides a listening ear, affection, etc. Of course, these are generalities. Every situation is different, and it depends what the people in the relationship negotiate and want.

Isn’t it hard not to fall in love with the other person in a Girlfriend Experience?

Honestly, I think it can be. One of the hard things about this kind of situation is that it can feel… real. And usually, the people will grow to care about one another. However, it’s important to stay grounded in reality and realize that this is a provided service, not real romance. I only recommend a GFE if you are mentally in a healthy place and feel stable enough to enjoy the experience for what it is.

Can a Girlfriend Experience be long-term?

Absolutely. Many sex workers have long-term relationships with their clients. If you like a specific sex worker, why not continue to hire them? For a GFE specifically, having a long-term relationship with a single person can make the experience even better, since intimacy is easier to grow as you get to know someone. That said, it’s also possible to hire someone just for a few hours or for a single day.

Is a Girlfriend Experience a healthy type of relationship?

It can be! Listen, I’m not here to say that hiring a sex worker for any kind of situation is good or bad. I don’t think anyone can pass that kind of judgement. Every person is different. If you are lonely and craving love, maybe this kind of thing won’t be healthy for you. But at the same time, maybe it’s exactly what you need. The thing is… if a situation with consenting adults makes all the people involved happy… go for it. If you are questioning whether or not this is healthy for you specifically, maybe do some work on your mental health first by speaking to a professional and working through any trauma you’ve experienced. Remember, a sex worker cannot replace a therapist.

How do I find a partner for a Girlfriend Experience?

Many sex workers provide GFEs. You can find them through Twitter and other social media sites. All you have to do is ask. If you’re looking for a “free” experience, please realize that this type of scenario is never truly free. Part of the experience is treating the other person like a partner, which means dates, gifts, etc. as well as time. You can certainly reach out to people in your life who might be interested in this type of relationship without additional payment, but it’s never going to be completely free. This is a transactional relationship.

Would you do it again?

Yes. Well, maybe. I would absolutely be part of a GFE again, with the right person. I’m at a point in my life where I’m not looking for a GFE like I had when I was 21, because I have both a husband and boyfriend. I’m not personally in a place where I feel the lack of intimacy in my life. But professionally? Maybe. I’m… open to the possibility. It would have to be with the right person. But I do like the idea of providing a GFE more than I like the idea of being a sugar baby or findomme. Money is nice, but intimate connection is *chef’s kiss*. I don’t think I would want any kind of non-intimate, purely-physical relationship.

So… maybe. If the right situation came my way… maybe.

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